Not only does "Sex From Scratch: Making Your Own Relationship Rules" By Sarah Mirk have a catchy title, it also shines light on the brilliant concept that there's no right, or wrong way when it comes to love, dating, relationships, life long partnerships etc. And that each and everyone of us has the power to create our own rules on how we want to engage in intimate connections with others. This book is not what you would normally find in the typical mainstream dating section of your local book store. I found it in the very slim portion of books dedicated to non-monogamy in the relationship genre.
Yes, this book brings up non-monogamy but in my opinion, it's not necessarily a resource on polyamorous relationships. But a great resource for anyone looking for or already in relationship/s. Actually I would recommend this book to everyone age appropriate that can read.
Sarah Mirk, an online editor of Bitch Magazine has done a lovely job of putting together this well collaborate collection of authors. Each writer, including Sarah tells their story of the navigation of their not so traditional mind set and love. The book itself it broke down into 7 easy to read sections that touch base on a not so easy to talk about subjects:
Chapter 1: Loving Being Single
Chapter 2: Building Feminist Relationships
Chapter 3: Navigating Non-Monogamy
Chapter 4: Gender in Messy
Chapter 5: Staying Childless by Choice
Chapter 6: On Never Getting Married
Chapter 7: Knowing When to Split
With the contacts the Sarah is exposed to, I do not envy the challenges she faced when sliming down and finalizing her list of participants. Sarah ended up narrowing the list to ten authors: Michelle Tea, Tracy Clark-Flory, Aya de Leon, And Zeisler, Tristan Taormino, Erika Moen, Stu Rasmussen, Wendy-O Matik, Betty Dodson, and Tomas Moniz. Then she delicately intertwined her personal story seamlessly with ten other voices. And topped it off with her recommended reading list at the end. Which is worth taking a look at.
Living an alternative lifestyle myself, I know first hand society, and well, culture don't necessarily support unconventional and/or non-traditional with open arms. Mainstream more or less leads by example, that following the crowd is cool, life needs to happen in a particular order, and that love and success look like a certain way. So, I have to say it was refreshing to come across a simple concept in the not so simple subject of romantic relationships in my local book store.
I appreciate Sarah taking the initiative to gather a dynamic group of people willing to share personal life tales on a variety of topics that not everyone talks about when it comes to love, dating, relationships etc. It's as if this book gives permission to think outside the box when considering sharing yourself intimately with others. I found value in all the chapters of this book, even if I didn't completely resonate on the topic. And it seemed that I could relate to each story in one way or another.
I ended up reading this book once, listened twice and bought it for least 3 or more people, including my soon to be 21 year old daughter who is currently on her own dating journey. I feel like how this book has guided me to shift my perspective. I'm now looking at all my relationships, not just romantic ones with the concept of "making our own rules". I'm incorporating more emphasis and dialogue on making the relationship/s unique and fit appropriately in each involved party/ies life/s. And I'm reeking the enhanced benefit to the shift in perspective.
I highly recommend this book.
"Sex From Scratch: Making Your Own Relationship Rules" by Sarah Mirk & Others
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